So I was rejected from Nagoya, Ritsumeikan, and ICU. The last one is Sophia but I’m not going to be waiting in baited breath for that one. Think the odds of that one working out aren’t all that great. I’m not so frustrated with getting rejected it’s more not being able to get the time and money back. But I still have the opportunity to go to a UC school and finish my degree in a couple years. I think the real question now becomes now though how much should I do with Japan. Should I continue with Japanese and push forward with that N1. I think it’ll become mostly a hobby. When I have the occasional untranslated eroge I want to play I guess I’ll use Japanese. But other than that I might find myself not using it very much. I used to think I’d replace my English with Japanese when reading but I’m starting to realize just how much work that is and how much longer it’d take. I’ll also have the opportunity for a study abroad. I don’t know whether I should take up the opportunity to go to Japan or not. I mean realistically a study abroad feels like playing around and useless if you don’t set up something keeper in the country.

Today is when I receive the decision. Should be at seven, which is around four hours from now. This will either be very exciting or very disappointing. Maybe anti-climatic would be better. I’m predicting that I got in. That’s my prediction. I might be wrong, but I feel decent about it. I would be very happy. But if not then I spend two years going to a state school. I already got accepted to a couple state schools, so I do have somewhere I can go.

I can still vividly remember the time I heard Trump was shot. I thought he was really assassinated or badly wounded at first. But I still remember. Might be the same thing with this. I think I’m still going to remember what I felt in the days coming up to it and the days proceeding. I don’t think it’s a simple it’ll be down for a couple weeks. This might truly be the end of 4chan as we knew it. In a way it’s almost fitting for the site that was so developmental for my teenaged years went down a few months after I was no longer a teenager.

Let’s see. Since the last one I’ve played Call of Duty 2, World at War, and Modern Warefare. All of them were fine. Not particularly special but entertaining. Besides that not much else huh. I’ve just been feeling less desire to try to complete things. Kinda feel like I’ve reached a point where consuming most media just feels a little redundant. Kinda just been whittling down the time reading news, slowly working on tefl course, duolingo, posting on clover forum, going on walks, and video games. I don’t know how I feel about it. I used to feel more strongly against spending time this way but I don’t really have that feeling anymore. Another thing that’s change is that I want noise. I want to hear something so I can distract my thoughts. I used to think quiet was best so you could hear your own thoughts. I know kinda understand. Been more thinking lately that none of this matters. I don’t feel miserable. Just… I don’t know. I don’t know how to describe it. Not miserable but not particularly content either. I just don’t feel strong emotion.

So I decided to watch these movies mostly purely out of curiosity. If you follow politics or any sort of Chinese news then you’ve probably heard of “wolf warrior diplomacy”. Which I’m not quite sure whether that originated in Chinese media or American media, but my guess would be the latter. I went into it kind of expecting and kind of wanting a jingoistic sort of movie. But what I got wasn’t really that. I mean sure, there’s definitely a bit. But I expected more just based on how much this movie has been mocked. I think I liked the first one better.

As the sun set Sulla set out and the adventurers from earlier began to trickle out. Five came on horseback and the others were to ride in the wagon.

“So, where exactly is this den of banditry.”

Sulla stretched his whiskers for a few seconds and responded, “You know the reports of recent lootings of houses?”

“I’m aware. That is why the baron is so pissed and is handing out such high rewards for the death or capture of thieves.”

I just got physically threatened on Christmas Eve by my brother. It’s one thing for my parents to take his side, but it’s a whole nother thing to justify threats. I’m debating on whether I should do this next year. Next year I will probably be living independently of my parents. I’ll still be dependent on them, but I probably won’t be living in the same house as them come next year. I’m not sure I wish to listen to threats like that a second time on Christmas. I know I deserve better than that. When you’re treated horribly by your family, I’m a believer in seeking out a new family. I’m not sure I want to put up with this next year.

In book 2 and in chapter 3 of the Analects, it is recorded that Confucius said the following: “If you try to guide the common people with coercive regulations and keep them in line with punishments, the common people will become evasive and will have no sense of shame. If, however, you guide them with Virtue, and keep them in line by means of ritual, the people will have a sense of shame and will rectify themselves.” Furthermore, in 7.6, Confucius is recorded to have said: “Set your heart upon the Way, rely upon Virtue, lean upon Goodness, and explore widely in your cultivation of the arts.” Confucius held a deep conviction that this “Way” exists and is that which should be pursued. Yet, bafflingly, it is said in another place when a disciple named Zilu asked Confucius about severing ghosts and spirits, Confucius replies how “… [he is] not yet able to serve people—how could you be able to serve ghosts and spirits?” (11.12) Zilu follows this up, asking Confucius again about death. Confucius, again, gives a similar answer: “You do not yet understand life—how could you possibly understand death?” (11.12)

The prompt that was given by the professor is the following: Drawing on what you’ve read in Off the Edge, the other assigned readings and discussions, and your own research, explore whether social media is harming our ability to think critically. There are many problem with responding to this. The two main problems with this prompt are that it fails to define exactly what social media is, as well in making clear whether this “our” is referring to the impact of social media on a personal or societal level. Third, this book and sources are terrible. Fourth, there are no solutions anywhere to be found. You could take this prompt in so many different ways. For the purpose of this essay, the writer will assume that the professor meant effect on an individual and that social media includes all forms of digital communication where one can interact and network with other individuals over the internet. If that is so, then it really depends on your consuming habits of social media. In chapter 7 we saw a rather extreme example of how an individual can end up if not using social media critically: “Whatever he privately believed in the moments before his rocket launched, he died in Flat Earth’s name." (Weill) Affirming or negating this prompt would be as useful as stating that movies are bad—an utterly meaningless statement. Even if they were inherently bad (despite of the wide variety), it doesn’t matter because they exist and won’t be going away any time soon.

I am now free of the JLPT and the ACT. I would like to say I’m satisfied with what I achieved. It hasn’t been the most eventful semester. I feel like I really need a change of pace. That’s one of the reasons why I want to go to Japan. It’s not just for academics, but to distract myself. In about a month-and-a-half from now I’ll submit my application to the other three schools that I’m applying. I’m fairly confident at least one will accept me. I want to say I’ve achieved a 28 on the ACT and have passed the JLPT N2. I hope putting in that effort this semester pays off. At the very least if I have the N2 then everything won’t be completely wasted. It’s been a waiting game.