I am now free of the JLPT and the ACT. I would like to say I’m satisfied with what I achieved. It hasn’t been the most eventful semester. I feel like I really need a change of pace. That’s one of the reasons why I want to go to Japan. It’s not just for academics, but to distract myself. In about a month-and-a-half from now I’ll submit my application to the other three schools that I’m applying. I’m fairly confident at least one will accept me. I want to say I’ve achieved a 28 on the ACT and have passed the JLPT N2. I hope putting in that effort this semester pays off. At the very least if I have the N2 then everything won’t be completely wasted. It’s been a waiting game.
Next semester I want to get a job. I really need something to distract myself. The money and experience would be great too. I never actually worked in high school, so this would sort of be my first time working aside from umpiring. Christmas is in two days but I don’t feel any joy at all. When Christmas comes around that means it’s soon my birthday. On that day I will no longer be a teenager. I’m growing up. I think it’s because I’m hitting this milestone that I’ve been melancholic. Every birthday just feels that much closer to death. My parents are getting older too. My grandma and grandpa will both soon enough statistically pass away. The idea of only having my parents around for another decade or two is scary to me. I hate the idea of determinism. I hate the idea of us just being nothing. I pray there’s a greater creator out there. Whenever I start thinking of death and all it entails I get so depressed. I can’t look at things the same anymore. When I hear of a famous person I immediately look at what was the age of when they died. Statistically, I’m somewhere between 1/3 to 1/4 of my life being over. And time just cruelly marches on.
But it’s been a while since I’ve written anything here. This site really gets no traffic. I wonder if there’s a way I could get it indexed by search engines. I don’t know, maybe I’ll look into it one day. On the one hand I feel like I’ve kept myself occupied, but on the other I feel like I’ve hardly been doing anything. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so contemplative and brooding. Many things that I know I feel like I shouldn’t know or would be better off not knowing. I used to be inspired a bit by courage, yet I don’t feel that anymore. I guess above all I’m a preservationist.
I want to improve this site on mobile. Right now it’s just broken even though the theme owned promised it’s fit for mobile. The blog part of the site works perfectly. Actually, I just fixed a problem where if you clicked on the about and monero buttons it’d give you an error. I also want to upload some of my academic work to preserve it. I’m gonna have a bit of time over the next few days, so it seems like it’d be worth doing. I think I kinda have two options. Either I can try to force the website to use the desktop mode, or I need to start from zero. First I think I’m just gonna try to force it to use the desktop site. It’s a little funky, but it isn’t broken, so…