Let’s see. Since the last one I’ve played Call of Duty 2, World at War, and Modern Warefare. All of them were fine. Not particularly special but entertaining. Besides that not much else huh. I’ve just been feeling less desire to try to complete things. Kinda feel like I’ve reached a point where consuming most media just feels a little redundant. Kinda just been whittling down the time reading news, slowly working on tefl course, duolingo, posting on clover forum, going on walks, and video games. I don’t know how I feel about it. I used to feel more strongly against spending time this way but I don’t really have that feeling anymore. Another thing that’s change is that I want noise. I want to hear something so I can distract my thoughts. I used to think quiet was best so you could hear your own thoughts. I know kinda understand. Been more thinking lately that none of this matters. I don’t feel miserable. Just… I don’t know. I don’t know how to describe it. Not miserable but not particularly content either. I just don’t feel strong emotion.
I received a three day ban from 4chan which is why I guess I took to writing this. If I extended more effort I could probably figure out a way around the ban. But again I don’t feel motivated enough. Though I’ll probably take back to posting as soon as the ban lifts. Why am I like this. Feels like there really is nothing like 4chan. Discord isn’t. Twitter isn’t. There’s altchans but they really don’t compare to 4chan.
I found a livestream of a fox channel and I kinda like it just playing in the background. It is doing it right now. I can understand why people like it now. But we’re now a few months into the Trump presidency. I can remember every part of it. From the rallies, to the prosecutions, to the gun shots, to the election, and up to now. I don’t know how the tariffs are going to work out. That really might be the most substantial thing that he intends on doing, even though it wasn’t the thing that won him all the votes. I think it will be a good thing. Though I’d fully admit that is more instinctual than based on solid evidence. Maybe I’m wrong. Least I can say I never contributed to it if it goes terribly. I didn’t vote.
And man I’ve been buying PIA for four years now. This will soon be the fifth.
What else. Was there anything else? I don’t know. Not really anything I can think of. It’s early in the morning today.
Oh yeah, that’s right. I stopped attending the church. There was some guy who I didn’t like and wanted to avoid. It’s like damn it I wanted to be around Chinese not Mexicans. You start bringing in Mexicans is the extent I don’t want to be involved. Think maybe I’ll take a few months break and then try to find a church when I go off for second round of school. If I go to Japan I think I’ll at least pop my head in the Recovery Church. If I went to ICU there’d be a church on campus and maybe I’d just go to that. Another thing I’m more concerned about is donations. As a single adult male who looks like I’d be working then I’d probably be thought of a cheap skate to not donate. But like… I seriously don’t really have the money to donate to people. Most of it comes from my parents and I can’t spend their money.
I kinda just quit cold turkey. I threw back one text and have ignored the other texts and calls. Wonder if that was really the right thing to do. I had other issues to. The way the Lord’s table is done, their obsession with Lee, the Morning Revival, and the general age. It’s better than other churches but there’s serious issues. Very Chinese for better or worse.
Haaa. What should I do today. I think after this I’ll do some duolingo. Been trying to learn a little bit of arabic. Though I’m not sure if I should commit to it or just treat it as a hobby that I do occasionally and doesn’t really matter if I get good at it or not.